It’s so easy to drop out from all this mess. I want to drop the ball and let it roll away from me. I want to let the chaos run free and let the world burn around me. Are the grades that I worked hard for as a student even worth it? The mess that’s on the table, is it useful or is it useless? Is it just a case of mass hysteria or a case of subtle stubbornness? I don’t understand anything anymore. I don’t know how to feel about the mess. I don’t usually know how to feel or express emotions. An emotion is like an abstract painting, you just can’t name it. You restrict what you’re trying to express by naming the emotion. You just can’t reply “Fine’” to a question of “How are you?”, because “Fine” isn’t the emotion you’re feeling right now. You feel anxious, scared, excited, horrified, and happy all at the same time. “Fine” is just a ball of yarn with different colors in it.

I don’t even know what we discussed last time in AEP class. I can’t recall the meetings that we had. I know that I was absent for one day, but what about the day before? I think we discussed how to write down numbers. Whether to write them in numeral form or in words, but I just can’t put a finger on it. We might have discussed something about the midterms and practiced using a bit of the words from VocabTest, but I’m unsure about that. I want to read my friends’ blog entries but I want to write down the events without reading what they wrote. I don’t know anymore, I need a timeout.

Is it just too much work? Is it my careless fault? Considering the time I have to work and the time I have to study, I should have used it more properly. Too many distractions in the way. Whether it be entertainment or me getting sick, these factors account for things that block my way. Too many destinations with too many road blocks and a bad car to boot, it really is hard to move without a change of pace.

Source for the background:                     I just wrote Panic! in front of the broken glass.